Exceptional Receptions

NO MATTER HOW INFORMAL THE PARTY, there's more to planning your reception and rehearsal dinner than just the menu. Plan an event they won't soon forget. As you dig through these pages, you will be inspired.

Planning the big party - your wedding reception can seem overwhelming, but never fear. Start with the basic guidelines, and let your creative juices flow.

Your reception could include a formal sit-down dinner or an authentic Texas barbeque. Have the party at a first-class hotel, or take your guests on a riverboat cruise. Hire a disc jockey or a 30-piece orchestra for your dancing pleasure. The choices are unlimited - you can fashion the festivities to fit your personality and your budget.

Popular locations for receptions include hotels, restaurants and private clubs. These party places can often provide the complete facilities and food services you require. Other options to consider: private homes, church halls, fraternal organizations, park pavilions and art galleries. If your reception site doesn't offer all the services you need, find a competent wedding consultant, caterer or party rental store that can provide food, equipment and staffing.

It's important to be well-informed when you plan your reception. In order to negotiate with caterers, hoteliers, entertainers, and the like, you'll need to provide them with some basic information. Essential data includes the date of the event, how many guests you expect, your budget range, and the reception style you're planning.

After you've told your story, find out what you need to know:

• What's the facility rental fee?

• What's included in the cost?

• How many guests can the space accommodate (including table and chair availability)?

• How long does the fee reserve the space, and what are the overtime charges?

• What time can set-up begin?

• What time must the space be vacated?

• Who's responsible for cleanup?

• How far in advance must reservations be made?

• Are parking, restroom and changing room facilities adequate?

• Are air, heating and electrical (outlet) systems adequate?

• Is the dance floor adequate?

• Can you review staging, lighting, audio and video needs?

• Is there a public address system or microphone available?

• Is it necessary to use in-house catering; if so, will beverages and hors d'oeuvres be served before dinner?

• Are security guards, coat check, parking atten-dants, bartenders and similar services provided

• How much is the deposit; when is it due; when is the remainder due?

• What is the cancellation policy and is their liability insurance adequate?

• Is there a security deposit; if so, when will it be refunded?

• Are there special rules and regulations that may affect the party?

It's important to plan at least nine months in advance. Book your reception site as soon as you set the big date. If your location is in demand, you may have to set the wedding date around its availability.

If an outdoor wedding and reception is on your agenda, consider the possibility of inclement weather. Rent a tent or arrange for a back-up inside site - you don't want your party called off because of rain!

Now that you know how to book your reception, you may have questions about what goes on at this once-in-a-lifetime event. Read on for details about the order of activities at the reception, and other guidelines to follow when planning your festivities

Reception Styles

The time and formality of your wedding determines what kind of reception will follow. 

Early Morning 

Breakfast gathering at a local restaurant. It's unnecessary to serve alcoholic beverages at this early hour.

Afternoon (2 p.m. to 5 p.m.)

Afternoon tea; serve coffee, tea or punch with light hors d'oeuvres.

Late Afternoon (4 p.m. to 6 p.m.)

Cocktail party; feature 11 to 12 varieties of hot and cold hors d'oeuvres. Alcoholic beverages are served - an open bar is usually provided.

Evening

Serve a full meal; a cocktail hour often precedes dinner. Anything from a buffet to a sit-down meal is appropriate.

Reception Timetable

Here is a basic guide to the timeframe of a typical wedding reception.

Upon Arrival At Reception Site

Bridal party forms the receiving line. Guests pass through into the reception area where drinks and hors d'oeuvres are waiting.

After 1 Hour

Buffet or dinner is served; the best man starts the toasting by offering the first good wishes to the bride and groom.

After 1 1/2 Hours

The first course is cleared from the head table; the first dance begins. Guests then join in the dancing.

After 2 Hours

Tables are cleared of food; it's time to cut the cake!

The Last Half Hour

The bouquet and garter are thrown; the grand march (optional) takes place. The bride and groom bid farewell to their guests.

Receiving Line

The receiving line allows parents and principals to greet guests and receive their good wishes. The line usually begins just inside the reception site; it may also be held at the church immediately following the wedding ceremony.

A church reception line is appropriate when not all guests are invited to the reception.

An alternative way to greet guests at the church: the bride and groom re-enter after the recessional, greeting guests as they file out. This method is appropriate if the gathering is not too large, and eliminates awkwardness if parents are divorced or don't wish to participate in a formal receiving line.

In a traditional receiving line, the mother of the bride, as hostess, is first to greet guests. Following her are the groom's mother, the bride, the groom, and maid of honor. Fathers of the bride and groom, the best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen may also be included. Children in the wedding party do not stand in the receiving line.

Make sure guests sign your guest book before they enter the receiving line. Place an attendant near the book to remind them to sign. Guests should move quickly down the line, saving conversation for later, as the bride and groom visit each table. After all guests have arrived, the line dis-perses. The bridal couple takes their place at the head table.

Some couples elect to eliminate the receiving line, circulating with their guests throughout the reception instead.

Seating Arrangements

Place cards should be set at the head table and honor tables to avoid confusion and embarrassment. The caterer or maid of honor places the cards before the reception. At the rest of the tables, allow guests to choose their own seats.

The head table showcases the bride and groom, who sit in full view, facing the guests. The best man flanks the bride, while the maid of honor is seated next to the groom. Bridesmaids and groomsmen are seated, alternating males and females.

At a small wedding, the parents of the bride and groom may sit at the head table, as well as the officiating clergy and spouses of married attendants. Otherwise, there is a separate honors table, with the bride's parents at opposite ends. The groom's father sits to the right of the bride's moth-er; the wedding officiant to her left. The groom's mother sits to the right of the bride's father, the wedding officiant's spouse to his left.

You may also arrange two parents' tables, with the bride's parents at one, while the groom's mother and father head the other. In this arrangement, more friends and relatives may be given a seat of honor at these tables.

Divorced parents should be seated at separate tables, among their own friends and family. Seat the groom's parents with the family that raised the bride. The bride and groom will divide their time between each group.

Cutting the Cake

The cutting of the wedding cake is a charming ritual, and the highlight of the reception. Guests are signaled by the best man tapping his glass, or a burst of fanfare from the band. Using a silver knife with a beribboned handle, the bride, the groom's hand placed over hers, cuts the first slice.

He offers her a bite, and she presents a piece for him to sample, symbolizing their willingness to share their lives. The rest of the cake is sliced by an attendant and served as dessert.

It's an extra treat to have a groom's cake - usually a chocolate cake - contrasting with the white, elaborately iced wedding cake. The groom's cake may also be served for dessert, or packed in small white boxes for guests to take home as a memento.

Dancing

If a reception features a buffet, the bride and groom may dance their first dance as soon as they've recovered from the rigors of the receiving line. When a full meal is served, dancing begins after the last course is cleared.

After the newlyweds begin the first dance, others may join in as follows:

Second Couple

The bride's father cuts in and dances with his daughter.

Third Couple

The groom asks the mother of the bride to dance.

Fourth Couple

The groom's father dances with the bride.

Fifth Couple

The father of the bride cuts in on the groom and dances with the bride's mother.

Sixth Couple

The groom dances with his mother.

None of the first couples must dance a full dance. After a few minutes, other guests are invited to join in the dancing. Ethnic dancing may be featured, or have fun with the dollar dance - guests pay the bride and groom a dollar for a dance. A grand march may also be formed well into the reception.

As the activities end, a second receiving line is formed beside a small table filled with cake boxes, cigars or a last drink for the guests as they depart. This gives guests a chance to say goodbye to the newlyweds, who then have a last dance and prepare to depart on their honeymoon.

Tossing the Bouquet and Garter

The bouquet and garter are usually tossed before the bride and groom change into their travel clothes. The best man and the maid of honor gather the single men and women in a semicircle. The bride tosses the bouquet over her shoulder - the lucky girl who catches it is supposedly the next to be married. The groom tosses the bride's garter into the crowd of bachelors; the recipient, according to the myth, will become the next bridegroom.

Leaving the Reception

After the bouquet and garter ceremony, the bride and groom change clothes and bid a private farewell to their parents. In a shower of rice, birdseed or rose petals, the happy couple heads for their car, which has probably been skillfully decorated by the ushers. The newlyweds are off on their honeymoon, ready to start their new life together.

Catering Connection: Food for Thought

Wining and dining your wedding guests takes the largest bite out of your wedding budget. A well-planned reception is crucial to the success of your marriage cele-bration. Choose your caterer with care - a talented, well-organized culinary artist can create a fabulous feast you'll never forget.

If you've chosen a hotel or restaurant for your reception site, they'll probably provide their own food and beverage services. If you've chosen a different type of facility - church hall, park pavilion, etc. - you'll need to arrange for catering.

Book catering services well in advance; six to nine months before the wedding is ideal. Give your caterer the pertinent data - date and time, place, reception style, budget and the number of guests attending. For food ser-vice, most caterers charge a flat fee per person; liquor costs are usually by the bottle or per drink. Waiters may be paid by the hour.

Your caterer can help you determine the kind of food to serve, and provide dishware, ice, glasses, etc. He or she can usually arrange for servers, bartenders and valet parking services as well. Be sure charges for these services are included in your cost estimate. Check to see if gratuities are automatically added to the final bill.

Your contract should specify the food and beverages to be served and the guest count. Look into postponement and cancellation policies before you sign. A deposit is usually required when you sign the contract.

By all means, comparison shop - it's important to get the most for your money. Just make sure the caterer you choose has a reputation for quality and service - the success of your reception depends on it!

I’ll Drink to That: The Tradition of Toasts

No matter how informal the party may be - it's traditional to toast the bride and groom at their wedding reception. The festive air that toasting lends to pre- or post-wed-ding celebrations creates a feeling of shared good will for everyone present. Toasts are a tribute to the bridal couple and the wedding party.

Champagne is usually used for toasting - the bubbly brew is synonymous with romance and gaiety. If alcohol is not a part of this party, well wishers can toast with sparkling cider or ginger ale.

Toasting can begin after the receiving line breaks up, and can be made all throughout the reception. At a less formal function, toasts are presented just before the cutting of the cake

The best man acts as master of ceremonies, offering the first toast. This toast may be just for the bride, or aimed at both newlyweds. The best man gets everyone's attention by clinking on his glass. He may introduce himself and others in the wedding party, and explain his relationship to the newly-weds. At this time he may tell an amusing anecdote about the bridal couple, making a wish for their future happiness.

The toast may be in the form of a poem, quotation or the like - it should be brief and sincere. Those offering toasts should plan what they wish to say ahead of time. It's important to speak loudly and clearly when making the toast - everyone wants to hear this!

After the best man's tribute, the groom usually responds with toasts honoring his wife, parents and new in-laws. The bride may then rise to offer toasts to her husband, the couple's families, attendants and guests. (A special thank-you is expressed particularly well in the form of a toast.) The fathers of the bride and groom may propose toasts to their new son and daughter, and other members of the wedding party may then offer their own toasts.

When you're the object of a toast, remain seated, and don't sip from your glass - you're allowed to imbibe between toasts. Smile and nod at whoever is offering the toast.

The tradition of toasting is one to treasure - long after your wedding day, you'll look back and smile when you think of those special words: the funny stories the best man told about you; the love your parents expressed as they welcomed your spouse into the family.

Above all, remember the tide of good wishes from all those present as they raised their glasses and drank to your happiness during every toast that was made

Toasts with the Most

Best Man To Couple

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall ask you to rise." Give guests adequate time to respond. If they are already standing, say "I now ask you to raise your glasses." Turning to the couple, say: "May your wedding day be the threshold of a wonderful future of sharing as you walk together through life, hand in hand. To Jane and John."

Groom To Bride

"Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest, here's to the truest one of all who are true, here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one, here's to them all in one here's to you.”

Bride To Groom

"I wonder if you realize how much you mean to me, how wonderful you've been, how dear you'll always be. You've brought such love and happiness into my life. No wonder I'm so thankful and so proud to be your wife. To John!"

Bride's Father To Couple

"To Jane and John. May your lives be full of the kind of happiness we are enjoying here today."

Bride To Parents

"To my new family, with thanks for raising such a loving and supportive person, and to my parents, for all the love and strength they've given me. May we all have many, many more memorable days together."